During the days of fraternity house livin’ and the “today doesn’t have any consequences on tomorrow’s outcome” we used to regularly host a gathering of people at my house for drinking and debauchery called “Thirsty Thursday.”
The idea behind Thirsty Thursday was multifaceted. These weekly occurrences allowed for new “prospects” (girls) to come hang out at the house in a smaller less ruckus driven fashion than our 300+ person weekend parties. Which was great, let’s say you met someone new Monday through Thursday around campus and they already had plans for the weekend, then you could defer to inviting them out to Thirsty Thursday and their weekend plans would remain unaffected. This meant often times that you would invite multiple prospects out and then it came down to a matter choice rather than a hunt. Seeing as many of the other guys also took it upon themselves to invite a few different options for Thursday evening, there was nearly always an amazing girl to guy ratio. Much of the magic of these evenings also lay in the timing. Most people were exhausted and stressed out from a week of classes and fully ready to blow off some steam by Thursday night. Meaning, you got to hang out with people at the height of their week and some might even say these people were pre-disposed to get into mischief given the timing. As you would imagine, some of these Thursdays were the best nights of my life.
On one particular Thirsty Thursday during the early part of my sophomore year, things had gotten off to a great start. I had a handful of girls in attendance that I had personally invited and one girl I had spent nearly half my freshman year flirting with said she might be coming. I had taken more time than many to come into my own in respects to perusing girls. As a result my freshman year had been a monumental learning curve that was being corrected and improved at break-neck speed by my antics sophomore year. In the past whenever I invited this girl to any of our events she’d always declined and claimed to be dating someone or had other plans that night. Come to think of it, I’d spent far too much time chasing this girl for it to have gone nowhere, for so long.
I was in full working the room fervor by 11:00 PM and a lot of my time revolved around slapping hands with guys I hadn’t seen since the week before or flirting with a couple of groups of girls in different parts of the house. During this part of my life, I truly was the epitome of a “bro.” I’ll absolutely admit it; the social status along with the reverence to my “fraternal ideals” seemed to be the only thing of any importance. Every experience and encounter during that time was new and therefore exciting. Someone had flipped me the keys to a new life. It was like being the biggest nerd and suddenly stepping into the most popular kid’s skin who was far better looking, more confident, and immensely more popular than you could ever hope to be and the voice in your head says, “take this thing for a ride, enjoy it.”
After grabbing another beer, I began working my way back to the kitchen when she walked in. Her name was Kali, she was a Sorority snob with a bit of southern class. Her body was curvy, she had long straightened blond hair, and gorgeous light blue eyes. She stepped into the Kitchen from the porch and my eyes fixed on her. She was wearing a short jean-skirt with a low cut top under a little mid-drift length black jacket. I think I stiff armed one of my friends just to be the first to meet her in the middle of the kitchen.
“Kali hey! Glad you could make it,” I said walking over with my arms spread outwards for a big hug.
“Oh my god! Hey Taylor!” She screamed as she leapt on to me grappling around my waist and torso nearly knocking me off my feet.
“Wow, how’s it going stranger?” I asked laughing spilling beer on the back of her jacket and on the floor around us.
“So good! I’m great, It’s been so long since we’ve hung out!” She said lowering her feet to the ground and running her hands down my arms.
“I know!” I said trying to meet her level of excitement realizing that she’d already had a couple of drinks prior to getting there.
“My friends started pre-gaming without me and then they decided to go somewhere else instead, lame right?” She said putting her hands on her hips.
“That’s fantastic,” I said laughing walking with her into the living room/beer pong room.
Soon we were playing beer pong together while we caught up on all the things that were current in her life. She had recently broken up with her boyfriend and was pissed at all men (except for me of course). She was excited about the semester as she had just changed majors from marketing to communications and I’m pretty sure her favorite flavor of ice cream was cookie dough. I’ve had more engaging conversations with a fucking broom stick, but she laughed at all my jokes and I didn’t care about her brain. In those days that’s not what mattered. The idea of having the attention of the hottest girl in the room was enough for me.
The second game of beer pong had turned very touchy feeling on our side of the table. I’d put my hands on her hips to move to the other side of her while she pinched my arms from time to time when I’d miss. I was shooting like shit on purpose to get off the table, even then I knew I couldn’t very well get anywhere with a girl if all I was doing was flicking a ping-pong ball across a table into a cup. Eventually the other team finally sunk the last cup and I was free to move about the cabin.
“Would you like to take a shot in my room?” I asked with a smile reeking of self assurance as I finished the last sip of beer in my cup.
“Definitely!” She shrieked and giggled as she followed me into my room.
My room was just down the hallway from most of the furthest reaches of the party, a lot of the yelling and other noises were drown out by music looping on my computer in the background. I had taken a sub-conscious mental note from all the over-the-top cheesy male seducers I’d seen on television and in the movies. As if the spirit of Giacomo Casanova or Don Juan had personally overseen all of the additional amenities my room had to offer; I’d taken care to set up soft comfy couches, rope lights that gave the room a red hue, lit scented candles, and of course- chilled bottles of liquor. As if this whole set up would leave women defenseless to my charms. I pulled a bottle of jager out of my mini fridge, slapped a couple of shot glasses on my desk, and cracked open a soda for a chaser. She started kissing my neck as I finished pouring the second shot.
“It’s awfully nice of you to visit, Kali. It’s taken way too long.” I said handing her a shot and picking up my own.
“I’m glad you invited me, cheers” she said as we clinked the two glasses together spilling a third of hers on my floor.
I knocked my shot of jager back and tossed my shot glass back on the desk and went in for a kiss.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me back. We rocked slowly back and forth as I put my hands around her lower hips. I got a hold of her jean skirt and slid it upwards so it was now around her torso. She had a fantastic ass and I felt a rush of prestige, like I was now going to be one of the privileged few in the world that would get to see it. This was my discovery of El Dorado. I couldn’t believe my luck; in my head I was spazzing-out like I had just won the lottery. Was all of this happening to me?! If I had met Niel Armstrong at that moment and he attempted to tell me about the moon landing I’d pipe up and say, “fuck the moon dude, I just got Kali’s jean shirt above her waist.”
She slowly pulled off my shirt and kissed my ear as I scrambled to pull hers over her head too. We made our way over to my bed where she jumped on top of me. She undid my belt and ripped off my jeans off then practically tore my underwear off my legs. I couldn’t tell you how thrilled I was, this was something that was months in the making and everything was playing out beyond my expectations. If someone had told me earlier in the night that this was going to happen, I likely wouldn’t have believed a word of it.
Her long blond hair hit my lower stomach as she went to work blowing me. It wasn’t the greatest bj but at that time it didn’t have to be, I was hooking up with the really hot sorority girl with shit for brains that I had been after for months. This was a girl I immaturely had idolized for ages and she was giving me her undivided attention. She was a big fan of attempting to deep throat which isn’t a bad thing, but it often gets me out of a regular rhythm because of accident gnashing of teeth. On the plus side, deep-throating produced a more saliva making for a better bj, which of course I’m a big fan of. So I kicked back, closed my eyes, and put a smile on my face. We were about five minutes into the act and I was in heaven as she continued rigorously.
“Enjoy this.” I thought to myself.
“Haahck!” I heard from below my waist as I felt more saliva than normal now between my legs.
She kept going.
A few seconds later it felt like I was sitting on a puddle so shifted my weight a little and reached down under my butt to feel what exactly I was now sitting on and my fingers hit something more viscous than spit and chunkier in nature. I pulled my hand out to look at it in the dim candle light; my fingers were covered in brown and yellowish bits of food.
“Did you just throw up on my dick?” I asked looking down at her and then back at my hand again.
“Well if you didn’t take so long!” She yelled getting up wiping off her mouth with her forearm; clearly embarrassed.
I said nothing looking up her and then back at my hand which was frozen like a mummified monkey claw. I couldn’t find the right words.
She quickly put on her shirt and stormed out and slammed my door.
I was stunned. I scooted back on my bed and saw a softball size puddle of vomit laying on top of my blue cotton comforter. I sat there for a few seconds looking at my hand, genitals, and bed covered in slime and vomit and I started to laugh, “Fucking kidding me? How the hell does this to happen?”
I sideways flipped out of my bed being careful not to touch anything with the hand covered in puke. I used my “clean hand” to pull the blanket off the bed and threw it at the corner of my room to be dealt with later. I carefully used my hand an elbow to wrap a towel around my waist and then slipped out of my room and into the shower.
After my quick rinse, I got dressed again and was back out in the mix of a full blown thirsty Thursday with nearly a hundred people running around. I did two laps around the middle level trying to find Kali, I was
n’t sure what I was going to say, but I thought it was probably in poor taste to leave it the way we did. I couldn’t find her. She must have been so embarrassed that she had gone to the trouble of finding a ride home.
As I was about to make my third lap a random cute brunette girl grabbed my arm and stopped me, “Hey! Do you live here? This house is awesome! Do you know where we could get some shots?”
I took a look around the party and then back at the girl. A big smile appeared across my face, “I’ve actually got a couple different types of liquor in my room just down the hall here. Step
into my office.”
The cute girl and her equally pretty Asian lit up in excitement. Like a 1960’s airline pilot, the two new girls and I walked arm-in-arm back to my room. My Kali problem seemed to melt away. The miracles of college.
Kali and I never hung out again after that night. Even though whenever I saw her around campus, I’d wave and sometimes wink. The following year she gained a lot of weight and that would put an end to any attraction I once had for a girl that gave vomit blow jobs named Kali.