I encountered a strange incident with condoms a few days ago. I can honestly say I didn’t quite know how to handle this one because it was somewhat of paradox.
First, let me provide some background and insight. I graduated less than a year ago and due to the amount of debt I’d accumulated; I had to move back home and pay off some of my loans. I was working at my desk in my room at home when I opened my top desk drawer to retrieve a pen. To my surprise, there was a stack of about 8 magnum condoms in golden wrappers. They were held together in a row by perforated edges in a group of Five and three. I know I didn’t put them there because I’ve never purchased magnums in my life. I don’t mind saying that I’m not a magnum guy, I’m just not. So therefore this strikes me as somewhat of an odd thing to be in my desk.
Then I began to wonder, who would do this and for what reason.
If it was my mom, I would have to assume that she did it because she wanted me to be “safe.” But why was there no mention of this gesture to explain their sudden appearance. Why the hell did she get magnums?! What gene pool attribute did I clearly miss out on if that’s what she assumes is the family standard. Furthermore, my mom and I don’t have the best of communication when it comes to anything like this. Asking about them would be a very strange conversation to have with my mom; for both of us.
If it was my dad, again I would be confronted with a very strange conversation if I directly asked him about it. And would this also mean I’ve missed out on a certain family trait? But I rather doubt it would be his style to drop off something like that.
My brother had moved out only a few weeks prior and took the dog with him. I don’t think he or the dog were suspects.
That brings me to my little sister. She had just moved back in a few weeks ago. She had just recently turned 21. This infers that she’s of a normal age to be encountering precarious situations that might require one of these condoms. However the reasoning for this “gift” is lost on me. We don’t play jokes on one another and we’re not exactly close. Was the assumption made that since she doesn’t need them anymore, I should take them? So rather than waste them and throw them away, it would be best to have the condoms placed in my care? I had no desire to find out if my sister was having sex with some guy that had a Pringles can for a penis. This was quite the debacle because I wanted to know how they got into my possession.
A week went by and I hadn’t asked anyone about them, but I still wanted to find out who put them in my room. To solve this mystery I would have to do the only reasonable thing. I decided to hide them in my sister’s top desk drawer and wait for a response. If she confronted me about it and acted like she had no clue where they came from, I would know it was one of my parents.
If nothing happened, that would mean one of two things. It might mean that she would know that giving your older brother magnum condoms is very strange and I’m more clever than I look. Or it might mean that these condoms have been getting passed around to different members of the family for years. But because none of us will confront another due to the can of worms that their presence creates, we all remain quiet and continue to pass these condoms to each other until the end of time. Either way, the more I thought about it, the more implications could be reached.
I threw them in my sisters top desk drawer and I’ve yet to hear anything about them. I’m just glad it’s over with… for now.